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| Blonde Hand Man!!? Ok well once there was a blonde a little low on money so she decided to Hire herself out for some handy work. So the next day she walked to a rich neighbor hood and went up to a house. When the man answered she said"do you need and jobs done My rate is 50 dollars " he replied Yes Yes I do I need this porch painted The supplies our in the shed So she set to work! Then the mans wife asked do you think she knows it is a wrap around porch He said She should she was standing on it! So A few minutes later she came to the door and said all done And The man was like Already! Yep she replied and I had a little extra paint so i did it twice. He said ok and Paid her 50 dollars and as she was leaving she said oh yah and sir it is a Ferrai Not an porshe!! |
| lol, that was pretty good. :D Would you like to hear my joke? answers.yahoo.com/question/index;… It would really be awesome if you gave Ryan D a thumbs down! =] |
| Men is sex everyday too much, that includes hand jobs? blow jobs and other fun stuff...if you got it everyday is that too much? My man thinks its too much and that i want it too much so its startignt o make me feel really rejected and ruinmy self esteem, i dont think im ugly and im very nice and generous to him in bed..im five ten and 130 pounds and blonde and he says he is attracted to me but then whines when i want it too much, he is 40 and Iam 30. How do I deal with this, we have been together 3 years but my needs are not being met and its fustrating. |
| Perhaps you should consider the greatness of quality over quantity.... |
| Can you read all of these ...Q: What do you do when a blonde throws a hand grenade at you? A: Pull the pin and throw it back. Q: If a blonde and a brunette are tossed off a building, who hits the ground first? A: The brunette. The blonde has to stop to ask for directions. Q: What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimers disease? A: Her IQ goes up! Q: What is the difference between a smart blonde and Bigfoot? A: Bigfoot has been spotted. Q: What's the difference between a blond having her period and a terrorist? A: You can negotiate with a terrorist. Q: Why is a washing machine better than a blonde? A: Because you can drop your load in a washing machine, and it won't follow you around for a week. Q: What does a blond and a beer bottle have in common? A: They're both empty from the neck up. Q: Why did the deaf blond sit on a newspaper? A: So she could lip read. Q: How do you drown a blond? A: Put a mirror at the bottom of the pool. Q: How do you drown a blonde? A: Don't tell her to swallow. Q: Why did the blonde chick drown in the pool? A: Someone left a scratch and sniff at the bottom of the pool. Q: How many blondes does it take to make chocolate-chip cookies? A1: 10. One to mix the dough and nine to peel the smarties. A2: Three...one to mix the batter and two to squeeze the rabbit. Q: What job function does a blonde have in an M&M factory? A: Proofreading. Q: Do you know why the blonde got fired from the M&M factory? A: For throwing out the W's. Q: How do you tell if a blonde did your landscaping? A: The bushes are darker than the rest of the yard. Q: What's the Blonde's cheer? A: " I'm blonde, I'm blonde, I'm B.L.O.N....ah, oh well.. I'm blonde, I'm blonde, yea yea yea..." Q: Why does a blonde only change her baby's diapers every month? A: Because it says right on it "good for up to 20 pounds." Q: How did the blonde try to kill the bird? A: She threw it off a cliff. Q: Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months? A: Because on the box it said From 2-4 years. Q: How does a blonde high-5? A: She smacks herself in the forehead. Q: Why did the blonde go half way to Norway and then turn around and come home? A: It took her that long to discover that a 14 inch Viking was a television. Q: How do you describe a blonde, surrounded by drooling idiots? A: Flattered. Q: Why do blondes always die before help arrives? A: They always forget the 11 in 9-1-1. Q: What do you call a brunette with a blonde on either side? A: An interpreter. Q: What do you call a blonde between two brunettes? A: A mental block. Q: What do you call 10 blondes standing ear to ear? A: A wind tunnel. Q: What do you call 15 blondes in a circle? A: A dope ring. Q: What do you call a swimming pool full of blondes? A: Frosted Flakes. Q: What do you call 20 blondes in a freezer? A: Frosted Flakes. Q: What do you call a blonde skeleton in the closet? A: Last year's hide-and-seek champ. Q: What do you call a fly buzzing inside a blonde's head? A: A Space Invader. Q: What do you call a blonde in a tree with a brief case? A: Branch Manager. Q: What do you call a smart blond? A: A labrador. Q: What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios? A: "Oh look! Doughnut seeds!" Q: Why do blondes put their hair in ponytails? A: To cover up the valve stem. Q: What did the blonde name her pet zebra? A: Spot. Q: What's a blonds' favourite rock group? A: Air Supply. Q: What do you see when you look into a blonde's eyes? A: The back of her head. Q: Why do blondes drive VW's A: Because they can't spell PORSCHE!! Q: How do you make a blond laugh on Monday mornings? A: Tell them a joke on Friday night! Q: Why did God create blondes? A: Because sheep can't bring beer from the fridge. Q: Why do blondes have see-through lunch box lids? A: So they know if it is morning or afternoon. Q: Whats black and fuzzy and hangs from the ceiling? A: A blond electrician Q: Why are dumb blonde jokes so short? A1: So brunettes can remember them. A2: Because blonds are so SHALLOW a long joke wouldn't fit. Q: Why are blondes hurt by peoples words? A: Because people keep hitting them with dictionaries. Q: What did the blonde say to the physicist? A: "Why, I just _love_ nuclear fission! What do you use for bait?" Q: Why are blondes like cornflakes ? A: Because they're simple, easy and they taste good. Q: How do you know when a blonde has been making chocolate chip cookies? A: You find M&M shells all over the kitchen floor. Q: How do you drive a blonde crazy? A: Give her a bag of M&Ms and tell her to alphabetise them. |
| Those were really good! A bunch I haven't heard Have a Star and a couple more. What is the difference between an blonde and a mosquito.. A mosquito stops sucking when you smack it on the head. A blonde girl called the police department and reported that she had been assaulted. The officer who answered the phone, asked, "When did this happen?" She replied, "Last week." The police then asked, "Why did you wait until now to report it?" “Well," she said. "I didn't know that I was assaulted until the check bounced." A blonde and her boyfriend were setting at home one night and became bored. "Hey, let's play a game" she said. "What game?" was his bored reply. "Let's play hide 'n' seek. I'll give you a blo job if you can find me." "What if I can't find you?" "I'll be behind the piano." . |
| Blonde Jokes?? Please see these!! Do u think they are funny? A blonde and her husband were watching the evening news.A man was about to jump off a building. The husband said,"i bet you $100 that he will jump" so they placed the money on the table. eventually the man jumped. The blonde handed the cash to her hubby. "No, keep it. I saw the afternoon news" he admitted "Oh, no its fine. I also saw it. I just didnt think he would do it again!!" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Three men were working on an construction site. A blonde, a brunette and a redhead. Every break the would sit together and open up there lunchboxes. Redhead: IF I GET ANOTHER PEANUT BUTTER AND JELLY SANDWICHE, ill throw myself off this building!! Brunette: If i get another beef sandwiche, i will also throw myself off the building!! Blonde:if i get another Cheese sandwiche, ill also jump off the building!! ... The next day they each opened their lunch, and, one by one, jumped off the construction site. At the funeral for all 3 workers, the redhead's wife whined"if only i knew he didnt like peanut butter and jelly, i would have stopped making them! " the brunettes wife followed,"same! why didnt he tell me he didnt like my beef sandwiches? I would stop making them" Then they stared at the blonde's wife. "What?"she asked,"Dont look at me, he makes his own sandwiches!!" A blonde was looking for small jobs to do in her neighbourhood. eventually, she found a man who was happy to let her paint his porch."go ahead! the paint cans are there, and you can apply as many coats as you want..." After an hour, she knocked on the door. "wow are you finish already?" he asked as he started counting out her money. "yip. and there was some paint leftover, so i added a couple more coats." "Good, Good" "Oh, and by the way, its not a porche, its a ferrari" |
| Those are good, Im going to send to my friends, thanks for sharing. |
| Ready for my last blonde joke of the day guys? Last one I swear!? A guy walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar which reads: Cheese Sandwich: $1.50 Chicken Sandwich: $2.50 Hand Job: $5.00 Checking his wallet for the necessary payment, he walks up to the bar and beckons to one of the three exceptionally attractive blondes serving drinks to an eager-looking group of men. "Yes?" she enquires with a knowing smile, "Can I help you?" "I was wondering", whispers the man, "are you the one who gives the hand-jobs?" "Yes" she purrs "I am." The man replies "Well wash your f ' ing hands, I want a cheese sandwich!" |
| Ok not bad at all. But please make it your last or we'll all Swear at you! |
| Hand job..? A guy walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar which read: Cheese Sandwich: $ 1.50 Chicken Sandwich: $ 2.50 Hand Job: $10.00 Checking his wallet for the necessary payment, he walks up to the bar and beckons one of the three exceptionally attractive blondes serving drinks to an eager-looking group of men. "Yes?" she enquires with a knowing smile, "can I help you?" "I was wondering", whispers the man, "are you the one who gives the hand-jobs?" "Yes", she purrs, "indeed I am." The man replies "Well, wash your f--king hands, I want a cheese sandwich!" |
| Your good at this Joke telling thing, all of your material is Hilarious, LMAO several times today....Thanks!! |
| A hand job....funny? A middle-aged business man is feeling a bit stressed so he books himself a massage. The day comes and he goes to the parlor. He enters the room, wearing nothing but a small towel to cover his modesty, and waits for the masseuse. The masseuse enters, and she is the most gorgeous, well porportioned young blonde he has ever seen. He knows he is going to enjoy this. As the girl starts to massage, the man begins to feel considerably aroused, and when he is rolled onto his stomach he sees that he has a massive *****, and is worried that the masseuse may see it. She continues to massage, and the man notices that her eyes have been drawn to his growing member. The masseuse leans towards the man and whispers seductively into his ear, "Would you like a hand job?" The man is VERY aroused and nods vigourously. The masseuse leaves the room. "Oh my god!" thinks the man, "this is fantasic, I'm going to get ''played'' by the most gorgeous girl I have ever seen! |
| pmsl...very very funny |
| Some short blonde jokes? How did the blonde explain how his helicopter crashed? He said it was getting cold, so he turned off the ceiling fan. Why did the blonde quit his job as a restroom attendant? He couldn’t figure out how to refill the hand dryer. What do you call blonde twins doing bubble gum commercials? Double-dumb. How can you tell if a blonde has been using your lawnmower? The green WELCOME mat is ripped all to shreds. Three blondes are sitting on a park bench eating ice cream cones. One is sucking hers, one is biting hers, one is licking hers. Which one is married? The one with the wedding ring, YOU SICK-O! What’s the advantage of being married to a blonde? You can park in handicapped zones. What happened to the blonde tap dancer? She slipped off and fell down the drain. How can you tell which tricycle belongs to the blonde? It is the one with the kickstand. What do you call an all-blonde skydiving team? A new version of the Lawn Darts game. Where do you look for blondes’ obituaries? Under “Home Improvements.” Why did the blonde take his new scarf back to the store? It was too tight. Why did it take the blonde a whole week to wash three basement windows? It took him six days just to dig the holes to put the ladder in. Did you hear about the blonde who gave his cat a bath? He still hasn’t gotten all the hair off his tongue. How does a psychic refer to a blonde? Light reading. Did you hear about the blonde who thought he discovered that he had a twin brother? He didn’t realize he was looking in a mirror. Did you hear about the blonde who never learned to waterski? He couldn’t find a lake with a slope. What do you call a blonde in a leather jacket? A rebel without a clue! Why did the blonde only smell good on the right side? He didn’t know where to buy Left Guard! Why couldn’t the blonde bob for apples? His sister was using the toilet. A blonde is going to London on a plane; how can you steal his window seat? Tell him all seats going to London are in the middle row. How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday? Tell him a joke on Wednesday. Me: Hey, Donna, how do you make a blonde laugh twice in a row? Donna: I dunno. How? Me: Tell her the same dumb blonde joke twice in a row. Me: Hey Donna, how do you make a blonde laugh twice in a row? Why did the blonde put her finger over the nail she was hammering? The noise gave her a headache. Why don’t blondes have elevator jobs? They don’t know the route. What did the blonde do when he noticed that someone had already written on the overhead transparency? He turned it over and used the other side. Did you hear about the blonde who just bought an A.M. radio? It took him two weeks to figure out that you could play it at night. Did you hear about the blonde who couldn’t wait to see 20,000 leagues under the sea? He said that he loved baseball, and was surprised that there were so many teams. Why did the blonde stand in front of a mirror with his eyes closed? He wanted to see what he looked like asleep. How many blondes does it take to make a circuit? Two: one to stand in the bathtub, and another to pass him the blow dryer! Why do blondes have more fun? They are easier to keep amused. What does a postcard from a blonde’s vacation say? Having a wonderful time. Where am I? Why do blondes have TGIF on their shoes? Toes go in first. Why don’t blondes make good pharmacists? They can’t get the bottle into the typewriter. Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence? To see what was on the other side. Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet? So he wouldn’t wake up the sleeping pills. How does a blonde hemophiliac treat himself? Acupuncture. |
| Ha ha very funny and very blonde!!! :-))) |
| This guy was sitting in the bar and this beautiful blonde walks in? he says to his buddie I'd like to have sex with that blond . his buddie says it $50 for a hand job he says ok. later he says best hand job he ever had next day he wants a b/j he says it will cost you $ 100 fine best b/j he ever had next day he s hooked he has to have some pu**y the blonde says follow me they go to the door the blond says see that big building over there . thats mine see that big house over there . the man says thats the white house the blonde says if I had P***y I would own that too |
| that's just wrong, funny but wrong |
| Everything blonde, especially for Myklia g and Pepzi_bandit? How do you hit a blonde and she will never know it....with a thought! How can you tell a smart blonde from a dumb blonde....the smart blondes have dark roots. Why don't blondes eat pickles...because they get their heads stuck in the jar. Why did the blonde get fired from the M & M factory...she threw out all of the W's. How do you make a blonde laugh on Monday...tell her a joke on Friday. What do you call a zit on a blonde's butt...brain tumor. Why don't blondes make kool-aid...can't fit 8 cups of water in the little packages. What do you call a blonde with half a brain...gifted. Why do blondes have T.G.I.F. printed on their shoes...stands for Toes G o In First. How many blondes does it take to change a tire .... 5--2 to get sodas, 2 to cry and 1 to call daddy. How do you give a blonde a brain transplant .... blow in her ear. What do blondes and beer bottles have in common .... they're both empty from the neck up. What does a blonde say when you blow in her ear .... thanks for the refill. What's the mating call of a brunette .... Is that darn blonde gone yet? Why do blondes wash their hair in the kitchen sink .... that's where you wash vegetables. How do you get a blonde's eyes to sparkle .... shine a light in her ear. What's the advantage of being married to a blonde .... you can park in handicapped zones. What do you do when a blonde throws a grenade at you .... pull the pin and throw it back. Why did the blonde climb over the glass wall .... to see what was on the other side. How many blondes does it take to change a light bulb .... 6 - 2 to read the instructions, 1 to find the switch, 2 to stand on, 1 to screw the bulb. How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb .... two .... one to hold the diet pepsi and one to call daaaady. The blonde stayed up all night to see where the sun went .... it finally dawned on her. Brunette to the blonde .... Awww, look at the dead birdie .... the blonde stopped, looks up and says, "where"? How do you know a blonde has been working at your computer .... there is "white-out" all over the screen. How can you tell if another blonde been using the computer .... there's writing on the "white-out". Why do blondes wear ear muffs? .... to avoid the draft. What did the blonde visiting O.J. think this was .... spilled finger nail polish. What is the blonde doing when she hold her hands over her ears .... trying to hold on to a thought. Why did the blonde stare at the frozen orange juice can for 2 hours? .... because it said "concentrate". Why did the blonde snort Nutra-Sweet .... she thought it was diet "coke". Why did the blonde put her finger over the nail when she was hammering .... the noise gave her a headache. Why did the blonde have blisters on her lips .... from trying to blow out lightbulbs. Why did the blonde climb up to the roof of the bar .... she heard that the drinks were on the house. Why don't blondes have elevator jobs .... they don't know the route. Why does blondes have elevator jobs .... they like going up and down. Why do blondes work seven days a week .... so you don't have to retrain them on Monday. How does a blond know if she's on her way home or on her way to work .... she opens her lunch box to see if there is anything in it How did the blonde die drinking milk.......the cow sat down Why don't blondes make chocolate chip cookies .... it takes to long to get the shells off the M & M's Why can't the blonde keep a job at the M & M factory .... she keeps throwing away the W's What do you get when you offer a blonde a penny for her thoughts .... change How many blondes does it take to make chocolate-chip cookies .... 10 .... one to mix the dough and nine to sort out the W's How many blondes does it take to make chocolate-chip cookies .... 3 .... one to make batter and two to peel the M & Ms. How can you tell if a blonde has baked chocolate cookies .... there are M & M hulls all over the floor How can you tell if a blonde is going to back chocolate cookies .... she is throwing out all of the W's What is written at the bottom of a blonde's fishing pond .... bring your own fish Have you heard what my blond neighbor wrote on the bottom of her swimming pool .... no smoking what does a blond do when someone says its chili outside .... she grabs a bowl what do you call a blonde with one brain cell .... gifted What do you call a blonde with two brain cells .... pregnant What is a blond with brunette died hair .... artificial intelligence Why did the blond stare at the orange juice .... it said concentrate Why Can't Blondes get "mad Cow Disease .... you can't get it twice How do you sink a submarine full of blondes .... knock on the door What stops then goes, stops then goes .... A blonde at a blinking red light What do you call two blondes in the freezer .... frosted flakes Pepsi came out with a new can just for blondes .... It has "open other end" printed on the bottom. Why do blondes always rapidly flap their hands towards theirs ears .... they're refuelling Why do blondes comb their bangs strait up .... They don't want anything going over their head How did the blonds brain cell die .... alone What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios .... Hey, Look!! A bunch of doughnut seeds What do you call a smart blond .... Labrador How many blonde jokes are there? .... none, they're all true Why don't blonds ever become pharmacists .... It's too hard to fit the bottle in the typewriter Why did the blonde purchase an AM radio .... she didn't want one for nights Did you hear about the dead blonde in the closet .... she was last years hide and seek winner Why are there blonde jokes .... to make brunettes jealous Why doesn't a blonde make Kool Aid .... couldn't get 8 glasses of water in the little packet What's the advantage of being married to a blonde .... you can park in the handicapped zone What is dumber than a brunette building a fire under water .... a blonde trying to put it out What do you call a blonde with a brand new P.C .... a dumb terminal How do you call a blond .... you don't .... you whistle What does a blond say when she see's a banana skin on the side walk .... am going to fall again I'm a blonde and still like blonde jokes .... must have been written by a true blonde Why are blonde jokes so easy to understand .... so brunettes can understand them How did the blond burn her ear .... the phone rang while she was ironing What's a blond between 2 brunette .... a mental block Why do blondes wear their hair up .... to catch anything that goes over their heads Why does a blonde smile when there is lightening .... she thinks she is getting her picture taken There are 17 blonds standing outside a disco but they could not get in .... the sign said, "must be 18 to enter" How many blonds does it take to change a light bulb .... only one .... she holds it in the socket and waits for the world to revolve around her What do you call 3 blondes that walk into a building .... beats me .... you would think one of them would have seen it How do you drown a blonde .... glue a penny to the bottom of a pool Why are there no brunette jokes .... because blondes would have to think them up How does a blonde make instant pudding .... places the box in the microwave, and looks for the "instant pudding setting How do you confuse a blonde, put three shovels against the wall and tell her .... to take her "PICK" How do you drive a blonde crazy .... put her in a round room and tell her to stand in the corner Why did the blonde put lipstick on her forehead .... trying to make up her mind What do you call a brunette standing between two blondes .... interpreter What do you call 24 blondes in a cardboard box .... a case of empties Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink .... that is where you clean all vegetables Why did it take the blonde 7 days to drive from St. Louis to Chicago .... she kept seeing signs that read .... stop clean bath room A blonde went to the doctor's with burnt feet, "how did you do it" asked the doctor" .... "cooking soup .... the instructions said "open can .... stand in boiling water for 7 minutes Why can't a blonde make ice cubes .... Don't know the recipe How do you get rid of blondes .... form a circle, give each a gun and tell them they are a firing squad Why did the blonde buy a brown cow .... to get chocolate milk |
| ok trouble your middle name hu!lol llllolol |